Silence
by NaomiP
Summary: Oneshot. Set during 21 Guns. What's Luka thinking the whole time? 'Just go, Sam. Walk them out of here and come back for me. I’ll be fine.' Rating for language. Many episode spoilers.


Having, as I've often said, a soft spot for "Luka in peril" I found the season finale quite entertaining. (More so anyway than most of the season.) And immediately got the idea for this fic. But it took me a while to figure out how to make it work. I hope I succeeded. (And I don't own anything here.)

("Manje - više" is 'more or less'. "Sedamsto pedeset pet" is 755.")

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The floor. And it's dark. No, my eyes are closed. Something's wrong. Christ … what's wrong?

No, I'm not unconscious, I'm sure of it. Just stunned. A kick in the face will do that. I can hear voices, kinda muffled … still stunned, I guess.

All automatic, really. Sam was in trouble, and that new girl … Marie? He's not going to shoot; a gunshot will draw attention, fuck up whatever they were going to do. If I could just …

Shit … what the hell'swrong with me? I _can't move!_ C-spine? That kick could've done something. Fuck .… No. If it were my c-spine I would be able to open my eyes, and I _wouldn't _be able to feel anything … like that pain in my gut where he elbowed me. And the ache in my chest where … shit … am I even breathing? Am I dead? Can't tell.

Something else. Hands, hands that I've felt a thousand times before. Someone turning me, like a sack of potatoes. "_Vecuronium! You gave him Vecuronium_." That explains it. Sam's voice. She's strong. Stronger than I'd ever realized. I'm not light, and a dead-weight besides.

Sam sounds scared to death. Do the bastards have a gun on her? Whatare they doing? Come on, open your eyes, Kovac. Do something. Woozy again. Or still. Conversations all static Can't fucking breathe … Been too long. Sam had said something about an ambu-mask.

_You said it would knock him out._

_It paralyzes the muscles. He's not breathing._

No shit.

Something on my face. Yeah, that would be the ambu-mask. It works pretty well, doesn't it? A little oxygen anyway. That's better.

_He needs to be intubated …. Let me fix him up and I promise … I swear to you … I'll walk you right out of here._

Yeah, she is strong isn't she? And gutsy. Damn, I did love you once, didn't I? You're reminding me why.

But shit … don't do this, Sam. Just go, do what they tell you. There are people out there in the hall. People who can help you. And me. Someone will come in here before those five minutes are up. I'll be fine, Sam. Please. Read my mind. But we never did communicate much, did we?

_All right …. Get him up here._ That would be the other guy … what'd they call him? Rafe? Asshole.

Sack of potatoes time again. Up onto the gurney. More comfortable than the floor, anyway. But … fuck … what are you doing? Tying my hands. Don't. Just get the hell out of here now. You'll be long gone before this shit wears off.

What now? That's my chin. Oh crap. Don't do this, Sam! The bag does fine, I don't need the tube. I don't think they're going to let you send for a vent. Just keep bagging. Or maybe you're buying time? Yeah, that makes sense … I guess.

But … you're forgetting something Sam. Really. Etomidate. We use it for a reason. Please. Or let Rafe slug me again. Anything. Or get that thing out of my mouth! You're putting me through hell here, Sam. You're good at that, aren't you? The 'putting me through hell,' stuff. But you suck at intubations. I appreciate the effort, but really … let it go ... Just stop now.

She's stopping. Okay. There's the bag again. She did read my mind, maybe.

_I'm sorry Luka. I'm so sorry._

Bit late now, isn't it? But I accept. Especially now that you're stopped.

_He can hear you?_

_He's paralyzed, but he can hear and feel everything._

Bingo. So you're doing this why?

_One more try. Please._

Let's not, okay? Please. Ouch … fuck … if I could yell right now … Just go, Sam. Walk them out of here and come back for me. I'll be fine.

_Put you hand on his adam's apple … just like that. _The first and last time you will ever touch me, Steve. If I ever see you again, you are dead. _Okay … cords … okay …_

No, it's not okay, Sam. It's so not okay. You're choking me, damn it. Gagging me … Christ … do you know what this feels like? Of course you don't. I am gagging here … a little bit anyway. Maybe something's back … the stuff is wearing off? Can I breathe? Tough to know, she's bagging me again. But give me a minute … just one …

My eyes are moving. Yeah. There's Sam. Looking like she's just been through hell. Which makes two of us. Can't quite keep 'em open though.

_Thank God …_

Good, she knows it too. Perfect timing. You bought us both the time we needed. Thank you. Now just yank the damned tube and listen to the guys with the guns.

_Right now!_

_He still needs help breathing!_

_Too bad._

Shit … what's happening? The eyes again, and the diaphragm's definitely coming back, but she's not in my field of vision … just the ceiling. Neck muscles? Not yet. But God … if either of you lay a finger on her …

Now what? Dark again. Just the lights. Someone turned out the light. A flash of light from the hall, then dark again, and they're gone.

Ok. The worst is over … except for this fucking tube. Not fun at all. But someone will come in a minute. Sam's smart; she'll give someone a hint and someone will come. Nothing to worry about now. They won't hurt her. Steve still seems to care about her, he won't hurt her; won't let Rafe hurt her. And I'm fine … manje -više … just have to wait for help. Just relax, everything's fine now. I mean … how often do I get the chance to lie down and put my feet up in the middle of a shift, especially when I'm the only attending? Think about something else.

It's quiet. Creepy. Like a panda bear. Abby was beautiful this morning. She always is, but more so lately. Pregnancy suits her. She'll come around. I did spring that on her, didn't I? We'd never even hinted at marriage and she's always been the cautious one.

_What the ..._ Oh God … gun shots. Hell of a lot of 'em. Abby's out there … Sam … the baby … Bože … please God, let them be ok … How many guns does that bastard have? My ears are ringing.

Quiet again. Creepy again. Just some muffled voices. How many are dead out there now? Not Abby. Please. Shit … They're going to need doctors out there to help. Someone will beep me … someone will come looking. They'll need the room anyway. Damn it … somebody!

I can move ok now … except for my hands. Why'd you let them tie my hands, Sam? That was stupid. If my hands were free I'd be out of here in a flash. But if I can get the gurney to move … yeah … she didn't set the brake, it moves. Smart girl, Sam. Hvala. Remind me to thank you later. Kick something. Shake the damned gurney. Hell of a racket, but will anyone hear? Someone has to hear. Please. Somebody. Fuck.

Voices are all pretty muffled out there. Of course the glass is pretty soundproof – patient privacy. Right. If I can't hear them, they sure as hell can't hear me. Not from down the hall, or inside another glassed-in room. Fuck patient privacy.

Ok … nothing else you can do, Kovac. You're ok … whatever is going on out there, you can't do anything. Just wait. They will find you …. But God … so damned helpless. I'm lying here; the two guards are gagged and trussed up like a couple of fucking pigs. They're alive anyway. At least I think so. Relax, save your strength … wait. That's all you can do. Count sheep …

... Sedamsto pedeset pet …

Someone's in the hall. Abby! Thank God. She looks ok … a cut on her forehead? Hard to tell through the blinds. She's just outside … hear me, Abby! Please! Help me! I know you can hear me!

Abby! Abby! No.

No.


End file.
